Guns and Gun Control

Each time there is a gun massacre in the United States, debate is renewed about the wisdom of having so many arms available to nearly everyone.  The shooting in Tucson, Arizona has been no exception.  The liberals are calling for more controls, usually while deftly stating that they are gun owners (to establish their reputation as “solid gun-toting citizens of America”).  The conservatives, on the other hand, are leading the charge for more availability of guns and gun training as a way of preventing the bad guys from killing anyone.  They also believe that existing laws are more than adequate but aren’t being properly implemented. We should arrest more bad guys, jail them, and throw away the keys.

So let me establish my credentials on this issue.  First, I am a solid, blue-blood American who owns virtually every kind of armament that exists.  I have 27 handguns, including 17 semi-automatic Glocks, four Colts, 3 SIGs, two Brownings, and a selection of other reputable handguns that I keep loaded at all times.  I have 16 AK-47s that I have placed strategically in all the rooms of my house plus one in each car and an extra one by my beer cooler.  I keep a loaded shoulder-mounted rocket-propelled grenade launcher next to each of the 24 windows in my house.  I have 36 different kinds of bullets available including the ones that can pierce bullet-proof vests.  I keep a swivel machine gun on a mount in the attic just above the garage.  The headlights on my car double as automatic weapons that can be aimed and shot by adjusting my high beam indicator and turning on the windshield wipers.  Just in case I’m away from my regular weapons, I always carry a pen gun in my lapel pocket.  Nobody has ever tried to steal anything from me and I fully believe my armamentarium is serving as the best protection money can buy.

Liberals like to point out that some 1 million Americans have been shot in the last 10 years, including 300,000 who died.  They point out that more Americans were killed in the last 10 years from gun violence in the United States than were killed in the Vietnam War, both Iraq wars, and the Afghanistan War combined.  Worse, more than a thousand children are killed each year by guns. I won’t quibble with these weak liberal factoids.

Conservatives accurately point out that violent death rates have actually declined in the United States during the last decade and this is, no doubt, due to the proliferation of guns that people have to protect themselves.  In fact, sales of the Glock 9mm semi-automatic pistol that was used in Arizona last week have doubled as honest citizens seek to upgrade their protection to match that of the bad guys.  Owning a gun is a lot like being vaccinated: we just don’t know how many deaths are avoided because the bad guys have been scared away.

So what is my position on this great political and social issue?  Despite the best points made by both sides, I’m more worried about my taxes.  And frankly, all these shootings are costing a ton.  In fact, some experts estimate that gun violence costs some $100 billion/year in the United States.   These costs are primarily for medical care and hospitalizations.  But other costs, such as security and the penal system, contribute to the total.  Given the $14,034,595,976,762 dollar national debt we now have in the United States (at time of writing, according to the U.S. National Debt Clock), and that my share (and your share) is about $45,000 already, I don’t want all these shootings to raise my tax burden any higher.  So I propose that we select one of the following alternatives:

1. Stop providing medical care to gunshot victims.

2. Charge a “user fee” (tax) on each gun purchase that will cover the cost in full of all the gun violence each year.

3. Implement stricter gun control regulations.

Which would you choose?  We’ve just got to stop this deficit spending.